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I'm not entirely comfortable with my emotions. I often feel like they grab me by the hair and yank me around, careening wildly into anything in their path.  I used to get a bit angry when someone would suggest that I could choose joy. It made me feel like it was somehow my fault that I was getting yanked around. There have been times during my husband's battle with cancer when I have been absolutely overwhelmed - even paralyzed by fear. All I wanted was to be free from fear. Joy wasn't even on my radar. Yet, now, 5 years into this battle, I'm learning to choose joy. Choosing joy was a lot grittier than I thought it would be. I got mad. I was tired of being overcome by anxiety and fear. I'd had enough and planted both feet firmly on the ground and decided that by the grace of my Heavenly Father, I would not be ruled by fear anymore. I would put on my Armour (Ephesians 6:10-18), stand my ground and appreciate - no take joy - in the gifts He&

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